I didn’t feel lonely until there was something to yearn for. Loneliness and longing are two sides of the same coin.
- Jostein Gaarder, “The Ringmaster’s Daughter”

We have this weekly cooking thing after the Chief Resident’s Rounds, dubbed the “Chef Resident’s Rounds”. While we used to go out after the former and eat out at Midtown, the latter started during the Holy Week when most of the restos were closed, so Ingks cooked out for us that day. Since then it has become a weekly tradition, and we go round-robin across the batches.

Now this Saturday fell on me. And I have been apprehensive of this day ever since the cooking thing was made mandatory. You see, I don’t cook. For several reasons”

1. I’m afraid of lighting the stove. I’m afraid of fire, having burned my right thumb after a DIY Science experiment.
2. As much as I like to clean up, I think it’s too much of a hassle preparing the meal, and then having to the dishes after.
3. My mom’s not fond of cooking (she’d rather clean the house!) so she never encouraged us. Growing up, my brother and I subsisted on instant noodles and canned goods, and we were content. Hotdogs and pork & beans were favorites! It was Dad who cooked *real* meals (luv his “sweet meat” specialty) , but only during Special Sundays when he’s off work. Once, he enrolled Mom in a cooking class, and she even got top marks in their final cooking showdown. But she still didn’t grow fond of cooking.

All above reasons add up to: I DON’T KNOW HOW TO COOK. Sure, there have been feeble attempts at frying hotdogs and eggs during the few months that I was living “alone” (I was with Therese actually; we bunked in together during the medical board review), but they always came out burnt. X_x

So I sought the help of Lexi, who comes from a family of chefs and cooks. Actually, hindi naman, but Tita Leslie sure served us with great food every time! And sa kanila lang ako nakakakain ng mga pagkaing di ko kadalasang natitikman, like olives and kiwi fruit, and Vietnamese coffee, and that blended mixed fruit-carrot juice we had for breakfast following that fateful Christmas overnight. The olives, I think, were part of some pasta dish we had the morning after an overnight marathon of… gasp! Angelu-Bobby movies. (shudders at the thought of the things we did when we were young!) Luma pa yung bahay nina Lexi noon! I remember picking them out of my pasta coz my taste buds then weren’t accustomed to such exotic food. =p So at the suggestion of Phoebe, I was made to eat one jar of olives as punishment…

But I digress. So we had an overnight at Phoebe’s, where Lexi taught me how to make breaded cream dory fish and some pasta dish with the richest red sauce ever (don’t know the precise terms to call this one actually)–ooh, and while watching “Pride” on the side, starring Takuya Kimura who’s Lexi’s current celebrity crush. I had Lexi email me the recipes after, but these were modified (apparently made simpler) by Tita Leslie. Being the kitchen knothead that I am, I couldn’t understand them and requested for another “dress rehearsal” prior to the big day. Fortunately, Wednesday was a holiday, so I was able to go to Lexi’s place for last-minute culinary cramming. Tita Leslie and Lexi were so very patient in supervising me every step of the way and answering the dumbest questions ( “How much is a little water?” “How golden is golden-brown?” “What sound does the oil make when it’s ready–’ting, ting, ting’ or ’ssshrrssshh….’ “). The rest of the Berbano household were gracious despite having to wait 4 hours for their food (we started 6:30pm, and ate round 11pm). They showed me how pressure-cooked condensada can turn brown and become caramel. We also roasted cashew nuts and prepared their version of Honey Balsamic Vinaigrette which had honey and Dijon mustard and sun-dried tomatoes…

Eve of the big day, I got off work quite late, and was in a rush shopping for the ingredients I would need. I even had to go to a second supermarket to buy the breading mix and fresh basil leaves coz the first one didn’t carry those items. And I can’t afford to compromise! I woke up very early today, and started preparing at 7 AM. I figured that at my (beginner’s) pace, I would finish in time for lunch. True enough, I finished at 12:30 PM. Sustained a few oil tilamsiks, but there were no major disasters.

So today’s menu consisted of: Breaded Cream Dory Fish with Mushroom Parmigiana Sauce, Salad Greens with choice of Honey Balsamic Vinaigrette or Honey Mustard Dressing (<–this latter was a freebie that came with the greens), and Caramel Banana Boats.

THE VERDICT WAS… GOOD. Yehey! My first un-supervised cookery…. Oh, and I had to prepare for a dozen people. One even remarked, “Kulang na lang ng view ng Tagaytay.” It must be because of the herbs, and personally, the sauce is my favorite. It’s replicable and versatile–I could use it with pasta or chicken or as a dip… The caramelized condensada was also smart!

I’m posting here the recipes as Lexi has sent them to me.

Mushroom Parmigiana Sauce
(serves 14-16)
* 5 cans Delmonte (or Hunts) stewed tomatoes with herbs — Aggie same size as the ones we used before
* 2 cans sliced mushrooms
* 3 whole heads of garlic, minced
* 4 large red onions, minced
* 2 large red, and 2 large green bell peppers (Aggie like the one we used before), chopped
* 1 bunch of flat-leaf parsley, chopped roughly
* 1 styro-pack of basil leaves (remove the hard stems), chopped roughly
* salt and pepper
* 1 small bottle EVOO [extra-virgin olive oil] (don’t use the Minola here!!!!! this is Italian haute cuisine! no Minola allowed!!!) — Dona Elena is a good, reasonably-priced brand
* 1 block Millel parmesan cheese (do not use Q-B-B like we did before!!! you’re cooking to impress!!! everything must be gin-yoo-wine Eye-tal-yan! !!) — the parmesan will cost about 200+ buxx. minsan minsan lang naman, might as well, right?

1. In a separate sauce pan (preferably non-stick!!! ), fry garlic and onions in half the bottle of olive oil. Fry until fragrant, and onions are limp (with joy!). Keep stirring while frying; do not allow the garlic to brown, ever, or everything will be bitter. Like Amadeo Bitter.
2. Once everything is golden and fragrant, add bell peppers and mushrooms. Keep stirring for 1 minute. Then add the tomatoes into the wok. Put a little water into the tomato cans to take out the remaining sauce. Add salt and pepper, a tsp. each.
3. Stir from time to time. Let it simmer, then add the chopped parsley. Cover while simmering, but keep stirring from time to time. Let sauce thicken, but do not let it burn. When sauce has thickened, add half a block of grated parmesan cheese and the chopped basil. Simmer covered for 1 minute.
4. Turn off fire. When it has cooled a bit, now is the time to adjust the salt. Make sure your taste buds are rested and cleaned with water before tasting again. Sabi daw ni Chef. Before serving, mix in 2 tbsp. of EVOO.
5. Grate the rest of the parmesan cheese for serving at the table. When serving, place a breaded fish piece over the cooked rice, then spoon over the sauce, but don’t let it completely smother the fish. Sprinkle with parmesan cheese. Yummmmmmyyyyy.
6. Serve with salad greens (for gulay!). You can buy the packaged salad greens, malinis na yun, just rinse the lettuce before serving. I’d give you the balsamic vinegar dressing recipe but you might not be able to cram it in your cooking time.

Breaded Cream Dory
(serves 14-16)
* 2 kg cream dory fillet (cut into serving sizes; a 1-kg pack serves
* 1 1/2 packs Delmonte Breading Mix
* 2 lemons
* 2 tsp. ground peppercorns (paminta), or buy the McCormick black pepper in a bottle

1. Squeeze the lemon juice all over the fish (both sides), then let the fish drain very well until it’s no longer dripping.
2. Place the fish pieces on a platter, and sprinkle the breading mix (with the pepper mixed in) on all sides of the fish. Make sure the fish is well-coated.
3. Prepare a big, dry wok (preferably non-stick!!! ). Pour 2 cups of oil (recommended: Minola lauric oil, or any form of coconut oil) into wok. Heat until almost smoking. Do not disturb while heating. Never let a drop of water touch the oil daw. Sabi ni Chef.
4. Wear your mitts in handling anything hot. Do not I repeat DO NOT use hospital-issue surgical gloves!!! With (DRY!!!) tongs, gently slide each fillet slice into the hot oil. When you do it right, the oil will gently bubble, with a nice little ting-ting-ting! sound from the oil. When you do it wrong, you will. Just. Know. It.
5. Do not disturb fillet when frying. Don’t overcrowd wok, there must be space between the slices. If the hot oil covers the fish completely, no need to turn it over, just wait till it’s golden-brown. Otherwise, turn it over to fry the other side.
6. When golden-brown, use a slotted spoon to take out the fish. Let the oil drain before transferring to a clean, paper towel-lined serving platter. Sprinkle over with minced parsley before serving, to give fish a touch of color. You can even decorate the plate with a sprig of parsley on one side.
7. Voila! Les poisson are ready!!!

Balsamic Honey Vinaigrette
* Extra virgin olive oil – 4 tablespoons (4 T)
* Balsamic vinegar (substitute: Apple cider vinegar OR Del Monte cane vinegar) – 1/2 tablespoon (1/2 T)
* Lemon juice (substitute: calamansi juice) – 1/2 teaspoon (1/2 t)
* Honey (substitute: brown sugar) – 1-2 teaspoons (1-2 t), depends on how sweet you want it to be
* Dijon mustard (substitute: any plain mustard) – 1 teaspoon (1 t)
* Garlic – 1 to 2 cloves, minced
* Onion – 1 small onion, minced
* Salt and pepper – to taste

1. Mix them all together in a bowl, or shake in a bottle. Basta the overall taste should be: not too sour, not too sweet, and not too salty. Adjust the proportion of ingredients when necessary.
2. Voila! Great with any kind of lettuce (romaine, arugula, or iceberg). Also perfect with slices of gruyere or emmenthal cheese, and toasted whole-wheat bread.

Ate Grace tagged me with this “25 Random Things” thing on Facebook. Thought I’d crosspost it here, for lack of a blog entry.

1. When I was a kid, I seriously wanted to become a princess when I grow up. I thought it was a profession.

2. I also wanted to become an architect, teacher, nurse… It was really Mom who wanted (me) to become a doctor. And I am a good daughter. But the choice to become a neurologist is MINE (which I wouldn’t realize if I didn’t go into med school.)

3. During our homeroom class in 6th grade (with then substitute teacher Mr. T), I said I wanted to become a neurologist just to impress. I never really meant it at that time.

4. I regret having given up ballet classes and piano lessons for Saturday cartoons.

5. I took up tennis and swimming lessons as well, but never learned. I was never the sporty type.

6. For the record: I NOW eat vegetables. I wasn’t exactly a carnivore back then; I don’t take the pepper toppings off pizzas nor do I de-lettuce-fy my burgers like DDL and JMDR do. But these days I eat vegetables with much greater frequency than I used to. I resolve to have at least one vegetable dish a day.

7. I still don’t like eggplants and pinakbet though. X_X Oooh, but I liked the pinakbet they serve at Sitio Remedios. And the soup with the squash flowers. Even Mom was quite surprised when she saw me having the squash flower soup, whatever you call that.

8. Either I lack the time, or my IQ points have dropped, but I can’t sustain reading literary novels anymore. The only books I actually get to finish are Harry Potter and chick-lit. Just finished with Sophie Kinsella’s “Remember Me”, and now I’m currently reading Cecelia Ahern’s “Thanks for the Memories”. As I write this, I realize that both deal with memories and remembering, after an accident; the former tackles amnesia, the latter déjà vu. Pure coincidence!

9. I can’t write anymore–also in the literary sense. Most of the writing I do these days are chart entries which employ too much abbreviation and arrows/flowcharts, and (+) and (-) to indicate presence or absence. It takes a nanosecond longer than usual to construct a full sentence, with whole words, good grammar and proper punctuation. It takes a millisecond longer to use more creative words and be less technical.

10. My handwriting has gone from cutesy round Kristen-like, to a horrible illegible one as in italicized Viner Hand meets Matisse font!!!! I recall in pre-med years that db told me “Hindi ka pwedeng mag-duktor dahil maganda ang sulat mo.” Well, what do you know, I am now a doctor, and my penmanship followed suit!” ^_^

11. I type pretty fast.

12. I’m too lazy to text. I’d much rather call.

13. My record time on the phone is 8 hours, from 10 pm to 6 am, with Phoebe.

14. I have awful allergic rhinitis. And even more appalling atopic dermatitis. Yuck! X_X

15. I have a sweet tooth.

16. I don’t have a green thumb. My attempts at taking care of plants have all been futile.

17. I am engaged in a never-ending battle against clutter. But I do enjoy fixing and organizing my things

18. I like Post-its! ^_^

19. I hate waiting!!!! X_X

20. I’m less thoughtful these days. I forget birthdays and special occasions.

21. I am less cheerful too. I think I’ve used up my store of “good cheer” in the past.

22. I am MD, as in manic-depressive. Passive-aggressive too. And at times, obsessive-compulsive… @_@

23. Walking around UP Diliman is nostalgic and comforting.

24. I miss my friends.

25. I love my family immensely!

Due to insistent public demand (my public being Florence, Rita and Trina; we had coffee today at Sucree with the newlyweds Ethel and Mark), I have finally opened a Facebook account. It’s only the second social-networking thing I joined after Friendster (in 2003). I’m still working out the kinks–too many things going on at the same time, and I’m not good at multi-tasking. To my friends(ters), do invite me to your Facebook to save me the trouble. =P

Btw, I got these from Trina’s Facebook.

Ganito kame noon… (ohgawd the hair!)

High School Grad Ball March 1997, The Manila Hotel

First Holy Communion, ah este, Junior-Senior Prom pala! February 1996, Club Filipino.

Heto kame ngayon.

after coffee at sucree

I am post-duty and was supposed to have the day-off. I have no OPD clinic scheduled today, and having no in-patients, I had a free day ahead of me. I had lots of things planned: 1) Bank, 2) Tidy up closet and shoe cabinet, 3) Do the laundry, 4) Organize my files and pictures (bought a 320 GB external hard drive over 2 weeks ago especially for this), 5) Go to Divisoria and have my measurements taken/dress made for Sir Richie and Romina’s wedding, 6) Finish my grand rounds protocol… But in the middle of Task #1, I got recalled from my rest day to assist in the students’ Neuroanatomy exam. Since the others were busy and have got in-patients, I was the most likely person. I was told it will end at 3 pm, which is still early as far as my usual day goes. I tried to be positive and even appreciated the faithfulness of the brain specimens to their anatomic diagrams (you can actually see things lik the medial lemniscus on gross cross-section of the medulla and the line of Gennari!). But do the math (40 stations x 45 seconds per station x 4 rounds) that by the time we finished, most banks have already closed and it was late to go to Divisoria alone, and the post-duty fatigue was already setting in. I do not want to be whiny. But I hate it when things don’t go according to plan.

I dreamed I had bacterial meningitis. In it, I was having forced gaze deviation to the right with secondary generalized tonic convulsions. Ugh! X_X The dream must have spawned from a conversation I had earlier with Tolits and Lowe, of paranoia about having certain afflictions. I think I have azotemia, pre-renal, secondary to coffee-induced diuresis, coz my eyes are sometimes puffy in the mornings. Or fronto-temporal lobe dementia coz I’m becoming forgetful these days. Or that I might have intracranial aneurysms, silently biding their time til rupture. Tolits expressed DNR; he and Lowe both wanted sudden cardiac death. And while the idea of painless death is appealing, I would want to be ready for when I die, having have said my due “thank yous” and “i love yous” and “i’m sorry” to the people I am grateful for, love and have hurt.

Anyway, barely halfway into MICU rotation and my batting average is 1 in-patient and 4 morts. This is in stark contrast to my previous MICU rotation in August wherein I had the most benign lola for permanent pacemaker insertion. My co-residents blame it on my red duty bag. I am in denial/challenging the notion that red attracts toxicity, for I love my red bag. It’s got lots of pockets, and the main compartment has two divisions, one for my instruments (stethoscope, neurohammer, fundoscope, tuning fork) and the other one for the papers so they don’t get crumpled.

Tools of the trade.

It is the hallmark of every resident of our department to carry around a bag (yes, even the men!), equipped with the tools of our trade, just as every IM resident has a stethoscope slung around his neck, or a Surgery resident with his carabiner of keys and scissors dangling from his belt loop, or an Anesthesiologist with his huge trolley bag of sedatives and anesthetics and muscle relaxants. The generic color is black, but Kathy’s is grey, Sir Richie and Cha’s are green, and mine is a *histrionic* red one, with tassled zippers and gold accents, which is attracting more than just attention.

So it’s those things above, plus my callroom keys and cellphone that I lug around. I leave my wallet in another bag (a black one), which contains my other personal effects. In first year, when I was frontline at the ER, I sometimes had Telebrix bottles and Diazepam vials in my bag. =p

Without much digression from the bag topic, I’m adding to My Wishlist, (#13) a bag organizer. =p And to the “things-that-money-can’t-buy” category, (#5) no more mortalities.

Enrich your vocabulary while fighting world hunger: www.freerice.com

Hanging around. Nothing to do but frown…. ^_^;;

There’s a really cute flowery countdown (among many others) at WishaFriend.com. Too bad, wordpress.com doesn’t allow flash.

So it’s 86 days to Christmas, and here are a few(!) early entries to my Wishlist.

1. A new cellphone in pink or red, that can take nice pictures, has expandable memory and is “roaming-capable”, preferably a Sony Ericsson or a Nokia. My Globe phone’s dead… again. So if you guys have been texting my Globe phone these past few days, that’s one of 3 reasons why you haven’t heard from me. The other two reasons are: “Globe network coverage in our area is practically negligible.” and “I am too lazy to reply.” which outweighs the other 2 reasons most of the time. Sorree… X_x My Sun phone’s perfectly intact though and you can still text that one for important stuff.
2. A pair of dressy shoes in silver/gold/copper to match any dress I’m gonna wear to future weddings. There are at least 3 of them to go this year: Lee and Madel’s, Ethel and whatsisname?, and Sir Richie and Romina’s.
3. An Energizer battery charger and rechargeable batteries
4. A pair of zips
5. A baby blue twin set (like what Lauren asked for and got several Christmases ago)
6. A bedsheet and pillowcase set in pastel colors (but NOT pale green nor orange coz those are the colors of our hospital gowns and sheets!)
7. Gym membership that is guaranteed to get me my ideal weight in < 2 months
8. Pretty earrings, bracelets and hair accessories
9. A small strawberry throw pillow to match the big mama strawberry pillow Dawn gave me for Christmas last year
10. A nice shirt with a funky saying. There used to be a green shirt at David and Goliath with a soccer ball design and emblazoned above it are the words “I kick balls!”
11. Boxes! Can’t get enough of those boxes!
12. Don Moen, Hillsong Australia CDs

And now for the things that “money can’t buy”. The really vital ones. Those that really matter.

1. A vacation!
2. Security of tenure
3. The “spirit of Christmas.” It’s nearing October and I still haven’t got that feeling. I have yet to hear a Christmas song over the radio.
4. A picnic with my friends at the Sunken Garden.
   We’re currently having a “Friends” marathon in the callroom; Sir Richie, Natzi and I would gather at the end of the day in front of the TV, sometimes while eating dinner, but mostly it’s (burnt) popcorn and pulpy orange juice we’re having. I’m not sure what Season we’re already on (4 or 5?) but it’s the one where Monica and Chandler’s love story unfolds. Oh Ross, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, Joey—they are such a funny bunch! And I miss my own funny bunch (rollcall!)—Phoebe (not Buffay), Lexi, Dawn, Lauren, Chatchie, Aureen, Karen, Pauline, Kuya Carlo, Leo, Lee, db… Whew! I missed the last “general assembly” coz I was on duty then. ^_^;; But I’m looking forward to seeing you guys at Lee and Madel’s wedding. I’m not on duty that day! Yehey! And thanks you two for having it at the nearby Malate Church.

Gang's all here! Flummoxed @ Dawn and Leo's wedding. January 2, 2008.

I am post-duty POD and while five is a manageable number of patients to see during one’s tour-of-duty, 4 of them started coming in at 8 PM with the last referral arriving at 5 in the morning, which kept me up all night! @_@ The second to the last one was a very tricky case of DKA whose blood sugars were swinging like crazy. And then the last referral was just plainly insane (encephalopathic)! I was sooo tired and sleepy, my entire morning was spent on sleep! In the afternoon, I got a pedicure, did the groceries, watched a couple of FRIENDS episodes and did some decluttering.

My credit card bill arrived today. Managed to cut down my usage by 80% compared to the past 3 months. Yippee!